“I hired Ethel to channel my husband Vance, to settle some questions that I’ve had since I lost him in a tragic late-night bird watching accident,” said former housewife Rebecca Cramston, in a post-séance interview. “But right when he was about to dispel rumors that he was unfaithful, Farbstein must have lost her telepathy...
“We at Monsanto never meant to systematically bankrupt our Farmville or actual farmland neighbors,” said Michael Brenner, Monsanto Farmville Executive, “But then we realized that we could create the html and genetic coding of our own seeds and sell them on the Facebook game and also to real, misinformed farmers.”
“I wore a Che Guevara shirt and was convinced there were secret agents in a box van down the street. I was wound up about homeland security, but now I pretty just crap myself all the time...Being okay with crapping myself and loving my government both come easy now thanks to my high doses...
"I considered padmasana (lotus), urdhva mukha svanasana (upward dog), or urdhva mukha paschimottanasana (upward facing forward fold), and marichyasana (seated spinal twist). But these too have been featured so many times, students don’t even want to practice them in class anymore.”
"Because I lost my depth perception when my eye was poked out, my parents bought me a wide, black felt hat to shield my head, especially my temples. They cared so much, they bought me the hat on the way home from the drug store where they got me my first eye patch."
Point from Health Advocate: My Body is a temple. Counterpoint from Buddhist Monk: My Temple is a body. "I always say, 'we have to get physical in order to get metaphysical.'"
"Hey, I’m not even a yoga student; I’m just a cigar aficionado. But if I were to go to a yoga class, I might not like the smell of Nag Champa or whatever sage or incense you burn. But I tell you what, I won’t get all worked up about it, and I won’t...
“I’m so sorry I altered his cake beyond edibility, this didn’t happen when I used ear candles on my daughter’s cake,” said Farbstein who actually did destroy her daughter’s Cinderella cake before blocking out the memory with euphemisms. “I mean, I remember my daughter’s cake being warm, but not melted.”
September Newsletter: The first few months of Karma Lampoon Greetings world! This is my first newsletter. For three months I’ve been writing in the third person, or writing in the first person in a thinly veiled character with sarcastic overtones. So here I am! The Origins of Karma Lampoon I’ve been a comedy fan...
“The Blue Party is an New Orleans indie-folk band, the Yellow Party is a Pokemon-themed children’s birthday celebration...When combined they once formed grassroots democracy with a global sense of responsibility.”
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