Tainted symbolism destroys dreams, creates commerce
SEDONA, AZ – In an charade of hidden motives within the clairvoyant community, psychic Gus Blodgett has been accused of using paid advertisement in place of proper dream interpretations. It appears as though he has been selling this space to local Sedona franchises.
“I dreamt I was flying,” said former client Tammy Waxler, “so he says I should take a pink jeep tour out to Bell Rock for only ninety-five dollars an hour. I got suspicious because I noticed he had a wall plaque that said, ‘Sedona Pink Jeep Tours: Best Referral Salesman, 2009’.”
Gus had thus far eluded detection partially due to the blind faith of his clients, and partially because of clever segues and crafty placement.
Another ex-client, Life Coach Ethel Farbstein offered, “I told him I was dreaming about my teeth falling out and hitting tiny animals, and he told me that I should gargle regularly with Have-A-Heart Listerine. Then he gave me a free sample.”
“He was easy to believe, because both my dream and his product pertain to teeth,” Ethel added. “Plus, he lives in Sedona. But when I heard about his fraud, it was a turning point for me.”
Life Coach Farbstein no longer trusts dream analysts. She doesn’t know whom to ask for psychic answers to her clients’ dream questions. As a result, her income of $30 per week is threatened.
Other clients found Gus’ transitions too smooth to appear suspicious.
“On the night after I got fired from my job, I dreamt I was yelling at my boss Ryan Schiffler,” said phone-client Aaron Lopez. “Blodgett said anger represents things that are spinning, and spinning things are Vortexes, and that I need to travel to a Sedona spa for a Vortex Quest with Ed, ‘Two Bears’ Bradley.”
Aaron Lopez could not be found for further comment, as he is currently on a Vortex Quest with Mr. Two Bears.
Investigation and potential cold-shoulder began when Tammy Waxler returned from a Pink Jeep Tour and was seeking Mr. Blodgett’s advice on a dream about having to urinate.
“When I woke up from that dream I had to pee really bad, but after I urinated I went and asked Gus what my dream meant.” Tammy continued, “He said urination means one should practice Pilates, but in a style reminiscent of The Roman Occupation of Judea from 26 to 36 AD.”
Tammy got choked up, but continued after touching her sage bundle. “It was right then that I looked down on his desk and saw a partially written invoice to ‘The Pontius Pilates Workshop’ for the services of, ‘Dream Interpretation Ad Space’.”
“I’m psychic myself, so when I saw that invoice, my third-eye told me he was maybe lying about my dream symbolism.” Waxler, however, did not go to the police. Instead she went to The Sedona Psychic Union and filed a formal complaint. “I would just feel bad going to the police, especially if he’s semi-omniscient, and innocent.”
Investigation is currently suspended until Mercury is no longer in retrograde.
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