Portsmouth, NH – Isaac Meehan, senior clerk of Check Cashers, has never dabbled in the mystical arts, and until last week, never even thought about past lives. It was therefore a shock to everyone when he suddenly attained crystal clear memory of previous incarnations.
“Isaac sat down between customers and got quiet for a minute,” said Check Cashers clerk Chris Hoit. “Then he turned to me and said, ‘Aelius, you thieving bastard, you owe me 800 denarius for that plow blade back in Antium. 248 AD’.”
Chris continued, “I looked at him and said, ‘What are you talking about?’ and he said, ‘Roman Empire. I played your fool. No longer. You’ve got one week before I garnish your wages.’”
It is not uncommon for a soul to recall its history. Spontaneous past life awakening is most often accompanied by a calm, detached wisdom. However, this was not the case with aging bachelor Mr. Meehan.
Taking it to the streets
“I was walking past Check Cashers, and Isaac comes charging out, yelling over his shoulder about karma,” said Stacy Cunningham, retired unpublished author, “So I went up and asked him if everything is okay”.
In response to Stacy’s question, Isaac began one of six heated confrontations within two blocks of Check Cashers. It appears that Stacy, along with the rest of the town, had at one life or another abused his kindness and left him holding the bill.
“Stacy, you owe me 25 groszy, from 14th century Poland,” scolded Meehan, “But because of inflation I’m going to charge you 1.5 złoty.” He then jabbed, “You were the serf, not I”. He then mumbled between his teeth, “Buncha mooches.”
Isaac continued down the street toward the laundromat, to break up with his faithful girlfriend and to say he won’t pay past-life child support for, “Kids that weren’t even mine.”
On the way, he ended friendships with seven life-long friends while demanding 230 Greek drachmas, 45 Russian stavrata, 20,000 Mexican Pesos, 73 Byzantium solidus, 10 Dutch Guilders, 10,000 shekel, and 4 pelts.
“I’m sorry, but it pisses me off!” scolded Meehan, “If they would friggin’ pay their karmic debt, I wouldn’t have to reincarnate for this crap.”
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