Ashville, NC- In an act of cowardly defiance against his former yoga teacher, Hank Groszski removed his name from her class list and quickly left Pleasant Time Yoga Studio. He used excessive pen strokes in an attempt to hurt yoga teacher Greta Abbot’s feelings and conceal his identity.
“He wrote his name down before realizing the regular teacher, Valerie Brice, had subbed out the class to Greta,” said Sandy Westhouse, fellow student who witnessed the event. “Then he glimpsed Greta lighting sage and candles for the studio, and he just lost it.”
Hank Groszski, a 13-month irregular Yoga Student, took up yoga to balance out jogging, weightlifting and park-district boxing. His first teacher, Greta Abbot, tried teaching him a foundation of alignment. This conflicted with Hanks’ need to do his own thing, like push-ups to break a sweat whenever the class was instructed to rest in Child’s pose for a moment; or running in place in between sun salutations.
“Hank never took feedback too well, in fact, he acted like it was a hindrance to his ‘work-out,’” whispered Westhouse during Savasana (resting pose), “I was in Greta’s class when she taught the proper alignment of Chatturanga (plank pose). But Hank, instead of listening, did four improper Chatturanga’s for every one we were told to do. ”
According to Westhouse, “Upon being firmly instructed to follow along with the class, Hank started grunting and singing Metallica to himself.”
Cause and effect
Predictably, a week after the infamous “Chatturanga Meltdown,” Hank returned to Pleasant Time Yoga Studio to take a yoga class. This time, he took the class of a teacher known for dreadlocks and lenient hippie ways.
“He comes into the studio and tells the other teacher that I hurt him in Chatturanga,” said Greta Abbot when contacted by Karma Lampoon reporters, “It was his ego that hurt him. Yoga doesn’t lie.”
“I think he wants gentle maternal or sensual adjustments, maybe accompanied by some coo-ing to go along with his macho grunting,” said Greta, remarkably without sarcasm. “He wants to do the same thing he does at the gym but with more of a captive audience,” she added with maybe a little sarcasm.
Did she know it was him?
The question still remains as to whether Greta was offended, or suspected that the vehement ink scars on the paper were from Groszski’s hand. “It is not my policy to discuss the business of one of my students, no matter how half-prodigal he may be,” answered Greta, “But I will say that he’s done this three times now, and each time I see the list like that, the same cologne is always hanging in the air, and my other students always say, ‘Hank was here. He ruined the list.’”
Sandy Westhouse was less candid in her summary, “He’d probably be more pleasant if he had as much repetition and attention-to-detail with his yoga practice as he does with his pen strokes.”
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