Psst. Hey. Psst. I Only Joined This Silent Retreat To Meet People For My Network Marketing Business


Editorial by Sten Jacoby

Excuse me. Hey. Psst. Over here, on the meditation cushion to your left. Hi. How’s this silent 10-day meditation course treating you so far? It’s hard to believe that we’ve already been here for almost 2 hours.

Anyway, I couldn’t help but notice that you settled down and stopped fidgeting only a few minutes after the teacher gave us the initial instructions to observe the breath. You’re good at this. You have skills man. I bet you’d make a lot of money if you applied your focus to selling nutritional supplements at wholesale rate.

Judging from the quick, almost agitated glance you just gave me, I can tell you want more information about this amazing opportunity for growth. But I imagine you’re frustrated that our voluntary vow of silence prevents you from asking questions. Don’t worry; I really don’t mind doing all the talking. After all, I only joined this silent retreat to recruit people for my network marketing business.

Hm. No reaction from you. Usually people perk up a bit, at least curious about what I’m referencing. So please excuse me if you noticed that I glared at you for a brief moment. I guess I thought people at a meditation retreat would be a bit more open-minded. But…oh yeah! The purpose of meditating is to learn specifically not to react to things.

So as long as you’re being objective: Network marketing is person-to-person referral selling. We cut out the cost of advertising and retail space, and these profits go directly in your pocket. And there is a bit of a pyramid structure involved, so you get money from the people that you sign-up. But I’m not supposed to use the term, “Pyramid,” it brings up negative thoughts of “schemes”. On some topics it is best to always remain silent.


Sten Jacoby perseveres through movement meditation in order to do some network marketing


What’s that? Wow, I guess we are having a conversation now. Oh, so this isn’t a good time for you to discuss making you a millionaire? Because we can do that. I have lots of millionaire friends. In fact, in nine more days, after this retreat, I can introduce you to some millionaire friends of mine. Once you are around them you really start to reevaluate your goals in life, and you won’t want to put up with desperate people anymore.

Whoa. I thought we almost got caught talking just now when the teacher said, “Keep releasing thoughts, keep your awareness on your respiration.” But don’t worry about him. I saw him pull into the parking lot in a Jetta. I mean, can you really take a spiritual teacher seriously serious after that?

You think 10 days of complete stillness and purification of the mind are powerful? Wait till you listen to this here audio CD by Robert T. Kiyosaki, the guy who wrote, “Rich Dad, Poor Dad.” Here, you can have it. He has some powerful things to say about personal development. I think it’ll be right up your alley.

Oh, on that note, I think I hear the meditation bell signaling the end of this group sitting. Great. Now it’s time for walking meditation practice out in the courtyard. I’ll talk with you later.

In the courtyard


Psst. Hey. Did you get a chance to listen to that CD yet? Don’t just think about it. Rich people don’t think, they do. Come on, get out of your comfort zone. After the part about personal development, Kiyosaki talks about network marketing. It’s really smart. It leads to residual income. I’m telling you, once you start making residual income, even $300 per month, it’ll change your life.

I’m sure all this so-called, “Present Moment Awareness” also changes lives, but the eternal moment is better when you have money hitting your bank account.  I guarantee you, when you’re rich you won’t care what your footstep or your inhalation feels like.

The important thing is to get out of your comfort zone. Leaving behind your busy daily life for 10 days of meditation is one thing, but you haven’t stepped out of your comfort zone until you’ve talked with me for 10 days straight about network marketing.

I’m not asking much. It only takes an investment of $19.95, and plus the time it takes to do things like pretend to enroll in a new job or meditation retreat to get started. And don’t balk at the nutritional supplement product. It isn’t about the product; it is about growing your network.

Excuse me? You don’t want to grow a network today? Ok, I understand. It’s your life; you can choose not to live up to it if you want. Hey, I really need to get that CD back; I really want to lend it to another friend at this retreat. Do you know the name of the lady who has the dot on her forehead?

Photo credit: crossed arm suit guy: Paul Stevenson/flickr + Group meditation Mrityunjaya Yoga studio


Thanks for reading Karma Lampoon! Tell your friends! Hire Jeb Cadwell for a Karma Lampoon stand-up comedy show! Do some network marketing!

If you like this article, I wouldn’t recommend:

Advice Time With An Agitated Meditator

Awakened Yogi Loses Ego, Sense of Humor, Friends

Oh No! I Over meditated Before My Aggressive Board Meeting!

Share this:
Share this page via Email Share this page via Stumble Upon Share this page via Digg this Share this page via Facebook Share this page via Twitter
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!

Technorati Tags: , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *