I Believe in Cosmic Energy, and I’m a Conservative Republican


Jeff Chardwhal: staunch Republican, Spiritual Warrior.

By Jeff Chardwhal

People often ask me if I really believe that we are all created from Cosmic Energy that permeates the Universe. I say, “Yes, we are all interconnected, we rise and fall from the same eternal source.”

And we make sincere eye contact, as relatives from God.

Whenever I have a conversation like that, I follow up immediately by making it clear that I am a staunch Republican. Just because I’m open minded about the mystic nature of our existence doesn’t mean I’m going to relax my stance against these Democratic liberals who want to destroy my country.

The laws of karma connect us all throughout time and space. As long as we are connected to these parasitic Democrats, we must stop them. They already took our religion out of public schools, and they took control of our guns…what next, our cosmic energy?

Synergistic, but in a bad way

It is trippy to think of how our physical structure is composed of electrically-charged particles, and how every nucleus of every atom contains the power of the sun. This is what we are made of! With that in mind, I have a god given right to own a gun and to restrict Women’s reproductive rights.

You might argue that its your body, and you’ll choose. In essence, our bodies aren’t physical at all. We are merely vibrations emanating from the same field of energy.  Therefore, there’s nothing to choose. The perception of ego is artificial.

Something that isn’t artificial, however, is our borders. It is our duty to God to stop these Mexicans from sneaking into our country and stealing our jobs, and not having to obey the law. They must be deported, and we must build a taller fence.

Every now and then my third-eye opens up, and for awhile I can see everyone’s aura and the white light that connects us all. As a Republican with a mystic world-view, I don’t like seeing the aura of gay people trying to get married. To enjoy the same energy field is one thing, but enjoying the same sex is going too far.

A spiritual child of Reagan

But why can’t we just all love each other? Our problem is we operate under the ego-driven illusion that we are separate entities. As individuals, we create wars and class disputes.

Due to these wars we need to increase our military budget. That means we’ll have to decrease social security, dismantle Medicaid and Medicare and reduce funding for environmental protection, education, museums, and the Arts. We need strong national defense. Since the best defense is a good offense, we also need to increase our troops overseas.

We need to treat each other kindly. We are all babies on this planet, children of Reagan, new to the physical manifestation of the One. So I speak for the good of all America when I say we must stop these national Democrats. They already have the White House. They already have the Senate. They must not go all the way, they must not acquire our sense of cosmic oneness.

Photo credit: flickr creative commons codepo8 (Christian Heilmann)

This satirical comedy article was directly inspired by a funny reference made by an awesome yoga teacher at Liberation Yoga, in Los Angeles.


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