Chupacabra? More Like, “Chupa Nickname”


A justifiably unintimidated office-worker wears a chupacabra costume made from Post-Its.

Are you serious? There’s a mysterious, murderous beast out there, it’s draining the blood of livestock, and someone nicknamed it Chupacabra? That’s so lame!

Chupa means sucks, and cabra means goat.. Goat Sucker, or more literally “Sucks Goats.” Jeez, you know what really sucks? That name.

It isn’t easy to create a contemporary legend. But we almost had one with this dog-like Hispanic vampire. But it sounds like a perverted farmhand.

Nickname Sucker

Whoever coined the name, “Chupacabra”, really put a bad spin on a potentially bad-ass saga. That guy should be called, “Nickname sucker,” because he sucked the life out of the myth.

That’d be like calling Big Foot, “Big Feet”.

Actually, that makes sense. Calling it Bigfoot implies that it has only one foot.

Or maybe it has one normal foot and one huge foot. Either way is sounds like Big Foot deserves to be called something more straightforward, like Clubfoot.

Vacation Planner Sucks

Some people say the Chupacabra lives in Central America. Some say it flits in and out of dimensions and can teleport to places like Russia, or Maine. I say, if you can teleport anywhere and you choose Russia, Maine and Mexico, you may as well be called, “Chupa Vacation Planner.”

There is one thing that really does creep me out about the Chupacabra. Supposedly there have been three known captures of these beasts. But testing in each case revealed that the animal someone managed to transform its DNA to be an exact match for a Coyote with mange. Transmutation. Now that’s blogworthy.

Photocredit: Flickr/trepetnosinee

Thanks for reading the satirical comedy of Karma Lampoon. 


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