Intense Secrecy, Shame Surround Area Fifty-One-And-A-Half


The residents of Area 51.5 were unable to be captured on film. Sightings of them are as rare as the inhabitant’s front teeth, and alien sightings

DISSOCIATED PRESS – NEVADA: The CIA has long remained silent about its involvement with Extraterrestrial research at Area 51, the remote Top Secret Military Base. They have also kept tight-lipped about Area 51 and a half, the adjacent lot currently occupied by the Hendersons and their immobile trailer.

“Don’t get me wrong it’s a nice trailer, very shiny, quite like the UFO we found in the Roswell crash back in the 70s,” said alias Tom Craig, a military contractor who claims to have worked at Area 51, replicating alien technology. “But everyone is embarrassed to even drive by the place on the way home after work. Compared to our advanced weapons testing and reverse engineering of alien spacecrafts, well, the Hendersons are white trash.”

Originally, Area 51 was directly beside Area 52, a vast undeveloped commercial plot. However, given the current tough economic times CIA auditors mandated that the Pentagon liquefy some of its assets. In a property appraisal last April, it was determined that the 20-foot wide western border of area 51 would make a nice fit for a mobile home, owned by Larry Henderson, the property appraiser.

Conspiracy, or just a redneck negotiator?

“He told the Feds that this former driveway was worth $2,000, but he’d be willing to put down $400 and work the rest of it off, appraising property,” explained Craig, “So they let him move in. But if you ask me, I think Larry just sits in there all day long with his pale, similar-looking wife, drinking and home schooling their 3 cross-eyed children.”

For national security purposes, the names of the officials responsible for this unprofitable eyesore have remained confidential. Due to the shroud of mystery, conspiracy theorists are already speculating that the Hendersons are the unwanted results of Alien DNA experiments. To their credit, the Henderson children do have that semi-alien, semi-challenged look, only humanized by  tenacious cowlicks.

“I’m very familiar with that look, after all, I grew up in Alabama,“ said Craig, “I’m also familiar with broke rednecks subdividing their driveway, cramming in a trailer and slapping a ½ number on it, only to pay for like, court fees for domestic violence.”

Only The Beginning

Whereas Area 51 officials have kept an awkward silence about their new neighbors, the owners of Area 52 are more enthusiastic.

“Prior to the arrival of the Hendersons, Area 52 was slated to be a high-end trophy hunting range. But now that people like Larry moved in, we are considering building a Dollar Store, “ said an anonymous Area 52 attorney, “But in a better scenario, we’ll subdivide our own property and create an entire trailer park bordering a Wal-Mart.”


Phote credit: flickr creative commons: brittglow; cammo: linz_ellinas

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