A recent archeological discovery reveals that the Mayan Calendar, which ends along with the world on December 21, 2012, is merely the result of a paid calendar maker getting suddenly fired for engraving way too far into the future.
“It may look like 2012 is the end of a great Mayan epoch,” said Scott Epps, Mesoamerican historian, “but it was really just the date the Calendar Maker had reached when the district manager visited and freaked out.”
According to newly discovered hieroglyphs in Belize, an engraver named Ab Kin Zoc (translated: Bob) was hired in 3144 BCE. His task was to make a calendar for the 260 days of that year. Instead of stopping, he chiseled out another 5,156 years.
“There must have been a contractually vague area. They were an advanced, commercial-driven society. They had unions, and they had laws for getting paid overtime,” said Epps, “And he took advantage of this by cranking out over 5,000 unwanted glyphs.”
The Illusion of Importance
It would have taken Bob Zoc approximately 3 months to chisel so many calendar tiles in advance. The vast scope of this oversight created for Bob’s local supervisors, the illusion that he was more productive than he actually was. It also created the illusion that something conclusive is supposed to happen on December 21, 2012.
The prophesies about the end of the world would not be so common, had Ab Kin Zoc had an opportunity to etch, “To be continued”. But as it was, the calendar was only scarred with a rough symbol that stands for “Clearly milking it for overtime.”
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