United Nations Welcomes New Ambassador of Lululemon

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A manifesto cake was prepared for the new Ambassador. She will burn off these calories probably jogging home from the UN Building.

(DISSOCIATED PRESS)  – While tensions are high among various member states of the United Nations, the General Assembly has taken a positive step by welcoming a new official Ambassador of Lululemon, Tanya Burke.

Lululemon Athletica, a British Columbia producer of yoga clothes and running gear, has created a strong network of yoga teachers and athletic sponsors. One of which recently vaulted to the center of world politics due to her lofty title of Ambassador.

“I feel that the introduction of Tanya will help us reduce diplomatic roadblocks while improving flexibility and stamina,” said Secretary General Ban Ki-moon, “She’s not your normal walking billboard for spandex. She’s a clothing rep with a holistic perspective on goal fulfillment.”

Iran, Pakistan and North Korea, all of whom are increasingly hostile toward the US and her allies, are now armed with nuclear technology. Recent summits to discuss solutions have left the weary Government Ambassadors out of touch with their body/mind/spirit connection.

“All the better timing to bring Yogic to the podium,”  said Ki-moon.

When asked to comment on the very real threat of nuclear war, Ambassador Burke said, “It scares me. And in a way that’s good, because the Lululemon Manifesto says to, “Do a thing a day that scares you.”

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Ambassador Burke relaxes near the UN Building indoor pool with her handy manifesto bag close at hand, filled with aloe probably.

Putting the manifest back into Manifesto

The Lululemon Manifesto, as depicted on the website reads less like a mission statement, and more like a multi-directional list of aphorisms in varying fonts. This starkly contrasts with the mission statement of the United Nations.

“For one, the UN’s goal has sentence structure. For two, our goal is to maintain international peace and security, and to promote social progress,” said Ki-moon, “And that’s way different than the Lululemon tenet with the largest font, ‘DANCE, SING, FLOSS, TRAVEL.’ Most of us here only do the last two.”

New Foreign Policies, New Wardrobes

Now that Lululemon and its embodiment, Ambassador Tanya Burke, have stepped into the center of world politics the Council is hopeful for a more holistic tomorrow.

“After all,” said Burke, “part of the UN mission statement is to promote better living standards for everyone, and what could be better than fully-wicking, preshrunk yoga clothes that feel like cotton yarn?”

In parting, Burke offered one last piece of Manifesto-based wisdom: “In times of war, famine and genocide, SWEAT once a day to regenerate your skin”.

photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/lululemonathletica/

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