I’m sorry you feel that I’m not really apologizing


Photo: Maura Jane will remove sunglasses upon request to increase rapport while apologizing

By Maura Jane

Are you done brooding? Oh, good, because I’m here to help you make amends with me.

The problem here is not what I did to originally upset you. I can’t help if my advanced personality causes that reaction, so I’m going out of my way here to make things better.

So to be on the same page: You are now upset because you think my apology was not genuine.

I want to be the better person by telling you that I’m 100% wholeheartedly sorry that you choose to react defensively to my apology.

It’s my fault that I haven’t told you that the problem lies within you

I’m practicing the virtue of humility for the sake of our friendship because you aren’t. But don’t worry, that’s not your fault. It was your upbringing.

You say your bad mood is because of me. Please, look into my eyes.  If you can see through my sunglasses so you’ll see I acknowledge that I inspired you to be in touch with your inner pain that was already there.

My spirit animal is the scapegoat

What? Now I’m being passive aggressive? Please excuse me for being a perfect scapegoat for you to project that image upon me. I have that effect.

If any thing in life annoys you, it is time to look within yourself to see what part mirrors the annoyance. I feel really good about you, and when I look within myself, I see it is because I feel really good about myself. What does that say about you not feeling good about me?

I’m glad you can use me as a symbol to work out your emotional problems. I mean, isn’t that what friends are for? I’m truly here for your lessons in anger.

What? This new repentance is too vague? I’m sorry you feel that way too.

Photo credit: flickr/creative commons: rightee

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