Monsanto: New Solutions To Old Monarch Butterfly Problems

Creative Commons License photo credit: MyGlassSlipper10

John Lennon once sang, “People asking questions lost in confusion. Well I tell them there’s no problem, only solutions.”  I believe I speak for everyone when I say, “The only real problem these days is all these Monarch butterflies.” One company adopted Lennon’s optimism by developing chemical farming technology that kills everything natural. Thank you Monsanto.

Monsanto is the world’s largest litigious producer of genetically engineered, infertile, patented seeds. Before taking on the butterfly problem, Monsanto solved other conundrums. They were there for us when we didn’t have enough trout genes in our tomatoes. They were there for us when farmers got tired of legally harvesting their own seeds. And now Monsanto is by our side when we want to stop Monarch butterflies from eating milkweed in un-farmable trenches, two weeks per year, miles from our land.

Monsanto is the world’s largest litigious producer of genetically engineered, infertile, patented seeds.

“I’m a nature lover. Big time,” said Hal Johnson, genetic engineer, “and when I’m looking at a beautiful horizon of soybean crops or Bt-corn, I don’t want to see a bunch of Monarch Butterflies.”

Even though the monarch butterflies do not feed upon cash crops, Monsanto bio-technicians deemed it, “Best to get rid of all other nearby living thing, just so we don’t have to worry about them.”

And how is Monsanto easing our worried minds? Monsanto is instilling in us a sense of peace by killing all plants and insects that come into contact with Bt herbicide-laced, wind-blown pollen. Monsanto’s Roundup herbicide finishes off the environmental cleanse by killing everything in its mist except crops injected with a specially engineered poison-resistant gene.

Monsanto's chemical solutions are winning the battle against devilish nature

Another reason to rejoice due to the Monsanto solution: the less butterflies, the less “Butterfly Effect.” We’ve all heard the Chaos Theory quote, “When a butterfly flaps its wings in Iowa, it could cause a tornado in Ecuador.”

Assuming this theory of interconnectedness is actually true, most of South America’s weather problems could easily be resolved by the simple elimination of North American butterflies.

“I don’t even use Monsanto products, but if my crops get cross-pollinated with their patent-protected pollen, I could be sued and lose my farm,” said Iowa farmer Josh Halton. “But at least I won’t be sued by an Ecuadorian because of damage from a tornado that originated on my property.”

When asked for final thoughts on the subject, Monsanto attorneys said, “What’s a butterfly anyway? It’s not much more than a worm with wings. But what’s a soybean crop? A lot of things. It’s tofu, cooking oil and more importantly, filler for McDonald’s hamburgers.”

“Some people say it isn’t natural to work toward eradicating an entire species, or many species, but I say it is only natural to want to have an uncluttered environment. Here at Monsanto we call ourselves ‘God’s Janitor.’ Just listen to John Lennon, he’ll tell you.”

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