By Anandavon Bhagamon
Hello kind brother or sister. I’m thinking about moving to your town or city. I’m wondering if by any chance you might be able to put me up in your place for a few months. Or maybe you know of someone who could. I prefer a spacious place, and ideally you’d be going out of town for a few months. But I’m pretty easy.
Oh, sorry, we haven’t met yet. I’m Anandavon Bhagamon. You haven’t heard of me? I’m a cultural icon. I helped start spirituality. I’ve taken acid with some pretty famous people. That was in the 60s, so most spiritual homeowners with extra bedrooms really like having me around.
I don’t know yet if I’ll actually end up in your town or city. You could say I’m feeling it out at this very moment. But if I am blessed by God to live near you, I hope to be blessed by you to live with you.
I am a very Light being. I promise to bring only joy to your life. I will also bring my wife, my newborn kid, and Krishna, my Yorkie. This is my 7th wife, so I’m feeling pretty lucky about it. My other marriages all failed when my wives got to be in their mid 20s. I think the leading cause of all divorce is when the woman hits her mid-20s. But my present wife and I have much in common. We are both excellent drummers and we love to chant kirtan late into the night. Even the dog Krishna chants. Well, actually, Krishna barks her devotion.
“My attention is focused toward devotion to god, not things like housing, food, and self-respect.”
If you or your friends have a nice place in a cool location, I’d be willing to set up a trade. I would stay in your place in exchange for watching it. And we’d also cook for you pretty much whatever you bring home for us to all to share with you. You will really grow by having me around.
I prefer you to be a vegetarian, because my family and I are very energy sensitive. We can’t be around vibes of a meat eater. But if you have extra meat and it is free and would go to waste, we’d certainly eat it. Or if you know of a nearby dumpster where we could get recently discarded deli meats, we have no problem recycling God’s creatures.
And when you get home from working hard all day, I will be just waking up, refreshed and ready to go! I’ll finally get you to have fun instead of being so reserved and tired after work. But if you are stressed, don’t worry. My wife and I will drum you to sleep.
Oh, and did I mention that I actually have plenty of money? Yeah, I do. I just don’t like to spend it on things that other people have too much of. My attention is focused toward devotion to god, not things like housing, food, and self-respect.
It may look as though I’m shamelessly freeloading, but actually I’m creating an opportunity for you to earn some good karma. So please, do not cast away my gift to you. Allow us to enjoy your home that God so graciously gave to you to share with me.