“There’s nothing like clocking in, sitting down at the computer, turning the heat up to 115 degrees, stripping down into a Speedo, and keeping limber between phone calls,” said Cutler. “Sure, I do want to cleanse and unite with God, only I want to do this without leaving my cubicle.”
“Judging from the quick, almost agitated glance you just gave me, I can tell you want more information about this amazing opportunity for growth. But I imagine you’re frustrated that our voluntary vow of silence prevents you from asking questions. Don’t worry; I really don’t mind doing all the talking.”
I took some vitamin D and then plopped down in front of my new NatureBright SunPlus Touch lamp,” moaned Hal, “But then I became bored and lonely so I called up some of my environmentalist friends to see how the environment was going. Bad idea. They got me thinking about fossil fuels and non-renewable energy.
“I find that most people make the best plans for their well-being during a drunken binge,” said Candice Martin, sociologist, during a Skype interview from her bathtub while nursing a hangover. “During the fragile beginnings of our personal transformation, we all like to reminisce about the small talk, keg-stands and Yeager-bombs we enjoyed while first deciding to better our lives.”