Tag Archive for comedy blog

I assume the librarian judged my half-assed lies about stealing The Four Agreements, and I take it personally.

angry four agreements

I stole a self-help book. I helped myself to a copy of “The Four Agreements.” I needed it more than someone with the moral standards to not steal it. Besides, it was a public library and I pay sales tax. But I’m an honest guy, so I’m going to tell you the truth: I lied to the librarian when she asked me about it.

Dropped Psychic Connection Ruins Channeled Conversation

ouijaboard-1

“I hired Ethel to channel my husband Vance, to settle some questions that I’ve had since I lost him in a tragic late-night bird watching accident,” said former housewife Rebecca Cramston, in a post-séance interview. “But right when he was about to dispel rumors that he was unfaithful, Farbstein must have lost her telepathy signal or something.”

Yoga Journal Runs Out Of Front Cover Ideas

yoga journal front cover

“I considered padmasana (lotus), urdhva mukha svanasana (upward dog), or urdhva mukha paschimottanasana (upward facing forward fold), and marichyasana (seated spinal twist). But these too have been featured so many times, students don’t even want to practice them in class anymore.”

As a cigar smoker I relate to the persecution of Nag Champa users

nag champa cigar

“Hey, I’m not even a yoga student; I’m just a cigar aficionado. But if I were to go to a yoga class, I might not like the smell of Nag Champa or whatever sage or incense you burn. But I tell you what, I won’t get all worked up about it, and I won’t feign or create psychosomatic symptoms of nausea. And I won’t complain to the teacher or management.”