Tag Archive for New Age Comedy

I assume the librarian judged my half-assed lies about stealing The Four Agreements, and I take it personally.

angry four agreements

I stole a self-help book. I helped myself to a copy of “The Four Agreements.” I needed it more than someone with the moral standards to not steal it. Besides, it was a public library and I pay sales tax. But I’m an honest guy, so I’m going to tell you the truth: I lied to the librarian when she asked me about it.

Simple formula for showing up to teach yoga class on time

showing up on time

One of my yoga teachers, Ethel Farbstein, is very skilled and quite popular, but always arrived 15 or even 25 minutes late. The problem she said is that she, “lives like 45 minutes away.”
My compassion welled up inside of me. Sure, she was hurting repeat business, but the poor thing! It was just so sad that circumstances were so difficult for her.

My Spirit Animal Is The Dolphin, Due To My Prehensile Penis

Prehensile2

Knowing that the Dolphin is my spirit animal has given me quite a lot of confidence in my daily life. Before, when I thought I was the only one with a prehensile penis, I was admittedly shy about whipping it out at water parks. But now that I feel spiritual support from dolphins, I actually use my penis to keep up my shorts on the faster watersides. My penis also serves as a super handy dorsal fin when I’m doing the backstroke.