Tag Archive for satirical

I assume the librarian judged my half-assed lies about stealing The Four Agreements, and I take it personally.

angry four agreements

I stole a self-help book. I helped myself to a copy of “The Four Agreements.” I needed it more than someone with the moral standards to not steal it. Besides, it was a public library and I pay sales tax. But I’m an honest guy, so I’m going to tell you the truth: I lied to the librarian when she asked me about it.

This Pit Bull Just Isn’t Naturally Lowering My Blood Pressure


“I wanted my untrained attack dog to begin a new life, where he could drop his old identity and proceed with no association to his old life. So I named him, “Cat Stevens.” He had been raised in captivity and rescued from an illegal dog fighting operation.

Usually, rescued Pit Bulls are euthanized because they are deemed, “Forever deadly.” But in a way, I can relate to this social stigma. People have always said that about me, but jokingly, about my breath. Knowing that I have much in common with this former killing machine, I took him into my home.”

Present Moment Awareness Seminar Not As Good As Last Year


“Phillip is clearly talented, and I am not writing him out of the picture. The main problem is that his current seminar on Present Moment appreciation isn’t as engaging or as memorable as his Present Moment discourses from the past. However, this is not to say that Phillip can’t rebound with strong Present Moment inspiration in the future.”

Company Spearheads “Wellness Breaks” For Non-Smokers


Smokers worldwide get paid breaks in which to increase alertness and calm their nerves. Meanwhile, non-smokers put in extra work without the option to naturally accomplish the same thing. “But now I get to stand right next to my cigarette friends for a few minutes and practice some deep breathing techniques,” said Shawn, “I don’t mind the second-hand smoke, as long as they don’t mind my second-hand chi as it emanates throughout the smoking area.”

Five Simple Ways To Get Return Yoga Students


“Leave them wanting more. Most yoga classes are taught to create a sense of balance in the body. For every forward bend, there is usually a back bend. The student leaves feeling complete. However, you can dramatically increase your student count by only teaching counter-poses in alternating weeks.”